// RESTRICTED ACCESS — PAWS ONLY

DACHSHUND UNIT

Paws Only // Canonical unit terminal · The Unit That Does Not Exist

"Silent. Precise. Relentless."

// Tip: click 🐾🐾🐾🐾 after elevating clearance — they declassify in place.

PAWS ONLY — LEVEL IV

SYSTEM ONLINE — COMMANDER DENIES EXISTENCE

Meet the Agents View Leaked Ops

PAWS ONLY Dachshund Unit patch — LT and Buddy, Silent. Precise. Relentless. — OFFICIAL UNIT PATCH

01 // THE ASSETS

Unit roster

Dachshunds, a hamster, and — new on this terminal — Night Shade’s mystical interdimensional cats. Commander files denials. We file results. Full dog dossiers → · H.A.D.E.S. full file →

PAWS ONLY

ASSET #LT-001

LT

Role: Comms / Acoustic Surveillance

Profile: Red-coated. Headset permanently on. Takes the job seriously. Possibly too seriously.
Specialty: Perimeter security, hallway defense, acoustic threat detection.
Notable: Once held a perimeter for forty minutes. It was a hallway. It still counts.
Side channel: 🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾

“Perimeter secure. No squirrels detected. Over.”

PAWS ONLY

ASSET #BD-007

Buddy

Role: Direct Action / Cool Presence

Profile: Black-and-tan. Sunglasses at all times. Will not explain why.
Specialty: Direct action, morale operations, unexplained cool factor.
Notable: Night Shade has been seen supplying treats. This is not in the budget.
True cool factor: 🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾

“Sunglasses stay on.”

NEW · NIGHT SHADE DETACHMENT

H.A.D.E.S. — Luna & Freya

Hellgate Anomalous Domestic Espionage Squadron · Mystical interdimensional freelancers · Handler: Night Shade

Two black cats. One brain. One weirdo. They love Alesha, sabotage for sport, and treat reality like optional software. Commander is allergic (twice). True origin: 🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾 The dogs are watching. Full unit file lives on this terminal.

Open H.A.D.E.S. Cat Unit →

02 // LEAKED OPERATIONS

Field Reports

The missions Commander insists never happened. Leaked anyway. Click paw redactions when your ladder is high enough.

PAWS ONLY — CLASSIFIED

Operation Sky Fetch

Lead: Commander + LT + Buddy | Classification: PAWS ONLY

High-altitude HALO jump for asset recovery. Critical tennis ball asset lost at altitude. Unit elements executed independent canopy profiles after primary failure. Recovery successful. Morale: suspiciously high.

After-action: Asset recovered. Commander has filed three memos insisting the unit “does not skydive.” All three memos were returned with tennis-ball chew marks and one distinct squeak. True ball location at T+0: 🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾

“We have the dogs.” — Commander (denied)

View Full Operations Archive →

02B // UNIT OPS · INTERACTIVE

Field toys (authorized training)

Touch-friendly sims for mobile and desk. Complete them to fill the Unit Quest board. Public clearance allowed — training is not a crime (yet).

03 // HQ ACCESS

The Burrow

Underground command post. Not on any blueprint. Access strictly PAWS ONLY.

PAWS ONLY — EYES ONLY

Burrow Status: SECURE

Perimeter reinforced with squeak sensors and dual dachshund patrols. Night Shade supply drops logged under 🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾. Commander’s official memo: “There is no burrow.” True status: 🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾

Access the full schematics, supply manifest, and training logs.

Enter The Burrow