Clearance
Uplink Agency ↗
03 // HQ // THE BURROW

The Burrow

Primary denied command post. Zero blueprints on file. Location: between the couch and the realm of plausible deniability.

PAWS ONLY — EYES ONLY

Facility Schematic

Burrow facility schematic — stylized PAWS ONLY map graphic
NOT TO SCALE • REF: JS-K9-BURROW

Commander’s memo #47-B: “There are no underground facilities at this location.” Memo was buried under a tennis ball within 11 minutes.

Supply Manifest (Current)

  • Tennis balls (standard)18
  • Tennis balls (squeaker variant)7
  • Backup squeakers4
  • Headset batteries (LT)12
  • Sunglasses (Buddy spares)3
  • Night Shade treat drops (logged)🐾🐾
  • Perimeter tape (red)2 rolls
  • Emergency chew protocolACTIVE
Last resupply: Night Shade run. Unauthorized but appreciated.

Training Log — Recent

  • Perimeter drill (hallway)LT — 41min
  • Fetch recovery under low lightBuddy — 0.8s
  • Joint tunnel crawlBoth — SUCCESS
  • Sunglasses retention testBuddy — PASSED
  • Commander evasion drill🐾🐾🐾

Standing Orders

1. Commander does not know about the Burrow.
2. The unit does not skydive. (Repeated. Ignored.)
3. All tennis balls are to be considered high-value assets.
4. Night Shade visits are “supply runs.” Never discuss treats in front of Commander.
5. PAWS ONLY. Always.

DENIABILITY MAINTAINED
PAWS ONLY — LEVEL IV

Internal Memo (recovered)

FROM: LT
TO: BUDDY
SUBJ: Window perimeter

Perimeter holding. Squirrel activity minimal. New squeaker acquired. Recommend immediate field test. Over.

— End of recovered transmission. Commander comment field left blank.

Perimeter Run AO map — living room threat overlay with couch overwatch, door chokepoint, window OP, hallway, kitchen vector

PERIMETER RUN AO — EYES ONLY · REF: JS-K9-PRM-01

Living-room threat overlay (separate from Burrow HQ schematic). Couch overwatch · front door chokepoint · window OP · hallway perimeter · kitchen vector · treat staging · squirrel ingress · LT comms corner.

04 // FIELD MANUALS

Training Manuals

Essential reading for all assets under four months (and all assets who still act like it). Written at ankle-height. Distributed on a need-to-squeak basis. Commander has not approved this curriculum. Commander has not been offered this curriculum.

FM-01 Perimeter Defense Protocols training manual cover — LT edition embroidered patch style

FM-01: PERIMETER DEFENSE PROTOCOLS

LT Edition · Acoustic Surveillance & Hallway Interdiction
FOR PUPPIES · CLASSIFIED · WOOF LEVEL

0.0 Purpose

This manual teaches every good boy and good girl how to keep the Big Soft Place (the home) free of squirrels, strangers, vacuum cleaners, and other existential threats. If it moves without permission: bark first, ask questions never.

1.0 The Hallway Is The World
  1. The hallway is a nation-state. You are its sole border patrol. There is no backup. There is only you, your ears, and the sacred duty of Not Letting Things Through.
  2. Sit at the midpoint. This is called the Killbox of Cuteness. All traffic must negotiate with your face.
  3. Tail may wag. Wagging is psychological warfare. Confuse the enemy with joy while you hold the line.
  4. Forty minutes is a full combat tour. Log it. Demand a treat. Demand a second treat for paperwork.
2.0 Threat Matrix (Ankle-Level)
  • SQUIRREL — Threat Level: APOCALYPSE. Bark until the sky falls or the squirrel leaves. Both outcomes are wins.
  • DELIVERY HUMAN — Threat Level: HIGH. They bring boxes. Boxes are chaos. Interrogate with barks at the door seam.
  • VACUUM — Threat Level: DEMON. Do not engage alone. Retreat to couch bunker. File trauma claim with Night Shade.
  • GUEST FEET — Threat Level: UNKNOWN. Sniff thoroughly. Assign a threat color based on sock quality.
  • COMMANDER LEAVING — Threat Level: EMOTIONAL. Deploy sad eyes. If he still leaves, bark at the door for honor.
3.0 Acoustic Rules
  1. If you hear it, it is already in your AO. Bark to mark ownership of the sound.
  2. Headset is not optional. Even if you are not wearing one, pretend you are. Professionalism.
  3. A single bark means “I am here.” Three barks mean “I am still here.” Continuous barking means “the perimeter is having a moment.”
  4. Never apologize for volume. Volume is morale.
WARNING: Do not abandon perimeter for tennis balls unless Buddy has visual. Dual-asset rule. Also the ball might be a trap. (It is never a trap. Still follow the rule.)
4.0 Graduation Test

Hold the hallway for one full human shower cycle without leaving for the kitchen. Bonus points if you bark at the shampoo bottle’s soul.

“Perimeter secure. No squirrels detected. Over.” — LT, every day of his life

FM-01 · REV. PUPPY-9 · DO NOT FEED TO COMMANDER · PAWS ONLY

FM-02 Sunglasses Retention & Cool Ops training manual cover — Buddy edition in patch style

FM-02: SUNGLASSES RETENTION & COOL OPS

Buddy Edition · Morale Operations & Direct Action
FOR PUPPIES · COOLER THAN YOU · LEVEL IV

0.0 Purpose

This manual teaches that cool is a weapons system. Sunglasses are not fashion. Sunglasses are doctrine. If you can see the puppy’s eyes, the puppy has already lost the engagement.

1.0 The Sacred Rule
  1. Sunglasses stay on.
  2. See Rule 1.
  3. If a human removes your sunglasses: this is a war crime. Redeploy them immediately with quiet judgment.
  4. Sleeping? Sunglasses stay on. Bath? Sunglasses stay on. (Buddy has never confirmed the bath clause. Buddy refuses baths.)
2.0 Cool Ops Tactics
  • The Slow Blink — Not submission. Superiority. You are evaluating their life choices.
  • The Lean — Against the couch. Against Night Shade. Against destiny. Angle is everything.
  • Treat Acceptance Protocol — Accept treats as if you are doing the human a favor. Because you are.
  • Zoomies Exception — Zoomies are authorized only if they look intentional. End in a pose. Always end in a pose.
  • Buddy Silence — You do not owe anyone an explanation. Especially about the sunglasses.
3.0 Mission Profiles
  1. Direct Action (Toy) — Shake until squeaker confesses. Do not share intelligence with LT until he asks twice.
  2. Morale Drop — Sit on Night Shade’s feet. This raises unit morale by 400%. Science.
  3. Commander Neutralization — Stare. If he says “who’s a good boy,” do not confirm. Maintain mystery.
  4. Joint Ops with LT — He does the barking. You do the looking cool. This is the way.
CRITICAL: Never admit you cannot see in the dark with sunglasses on. The darkness sees you. That is enough.
4.0 Graduation Test

Wear sunglasses through an entire treat negotiation without wagging out of turn. If the human laughs, you have won. If they remove the glasses, restart the course.

“Sunglasses stay on.” — Buddy · entire career · no further comment

FM-02 · REV. COOL-7 · UNAUTHORIZED BY COMMANDER · ENDORSED BY NIGHT SHADE (TREATS)

CROSS-UNIT INTEL

Related Assets

Sometimes the main terminal leaks the right photos.

Night Shade bike action supporting unit

Night Shade providing rapid mobility support. Not pictured: two very small passengers.

Found doxies

Unit elements recovered after extended field time. Morale: excellent. Sunglasses intact.

Operation Barking Beast — unit barking at oversized white Ford pickup truck. Stylized PAWS ONLY mission poster.

Recovered evidence from the oversized white Ford pickup incursion. Aggressive vocal deterrence executed. High-value target neutralized. Commander denies involvement.